New Song! Princess of my Mind.

::Verse 1::


Shes got lashes like a baby doll
and a smile in my heart.
Her laughter makes her beautiful
and makes me fall apart

I watch her from across the room.
And wait for for her to speak.
Her words they never come too soon.
And always dazzle me.

And when he breaks her heart
I'll be there hiding as a friend
Till it all falls apart
again

And until shes sees, that im beside her
she will bleed each time.
And I know theres no one like her.
Princess of my mind.

::Chorus::

You dance before my eyes!
Princess of my mind!
Dance in frozen lights!
Leaving me behind!
A spell and curse
No hell is worse
than living in this lie!
With the princess of my mind.
(my mind. My mind. Out of my)

::Verse 2::

He doesnt treat her like a baby doll
and it always breaks my heart
He doesnt tell her that shes beautiful
hes ripping her apart

And I watch her from across the room
as she curls up and cries.
And she doesnt know what to do
but she knows she wants to die

And when he breaks her heart
Ill be there, biting on my tongue.
As I piece her back together again
again

And everytime her heart gets broken
I feel it in mine.
And every night she doesnt know that
shes the princess of my mind!


::Chorus::


If only I could be the one with the best of you
hand in hand next to you
and praying the night never ends.
Maybe then.

Youd dance before my eyes
Princess of my mind.
You'll dance in and out of the night
Leaving me behind

No spell no curse
no hell is worse
than living in this lie
I need you
out
of
my
mind

You dance before my eyes.
(Youre beautiful)
You dance in and out of the moon light
You dance before my eyes
Princess of my mind.

My mind.
Princess of my mind
My mind my mind
Out of my

What happened boys?

A bend in the road is not the end of the journey -- unless you fail to make the turn.

I'm am now officially a bad ass. ;)

Save Your Smile

This is the poem I did for the Lee County Writing Contest. :)
+

The nights are too quiet;
I hate it.
I told you.
But I’d fall to silence,
If then
I could hold you.

It feels like forever
Since when I first met you.
The world seems to fade
But I’ll Never forget you.

The days seem so endless
So bitter
So cold.
But night brings the sunlight
That warms up my soul.

The way that I love you
You’ll never regret
Because I’m still the girl
That the whole world
Forgets.

So save her your smile,
Your love &
Your care.
I guess I should know
That the world’s
Never fair.

I wanna be That Girl.

Oh i hope he makes it this weekend. <3

I figured it out. You're all about walkin tall on the people you knocked down. Well stop and erase, cause i'm gonna wipe that smile off your know-it-all face.

Well stop and erase, cause i'm gonna wipe that smile off your know-it-all face. Laugh while you can. yeah live it up but read my lips, the joke is on you.

Happy Holloween! O;-;O

I'm gonna show you.

I had the most wonderful night. <3 <3 <3

Blushing Gun, the band that played at M@TM tonight, has stolen my heart. They gave us a free cd and drumsticks. Theyre gonna see if they can play on my birthday

I am now an official member of the Zoe Fitness Center, right across the street from my house. Looks like i'll be a skinny bitch after all. ;)

She paints her nails like my guitar. She had me from the very start. She danced like a wicked angel. She danced to the beat of my heart.

Sam, was her name, and for only one brief moment. She fell in to my lap, seemed she had everything i wanted in a girl.

"With slight efforts, how can we obtain great results? It is foolish even to desire it." -Euripides

Today lily and i got there bitchin new zebra print friendship necklaces. They are forever a memoir of our love. :) ily lily <3

I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to be falling in love. I'm glad that you reminded me. <3

We're going on an advencher! Hurah! Lol i loves my lily fish. <3

Happy Birthday to the King of Pop.

I might hang out with Lily and Hunter tomorrow. There's a show thing at the mall. It all depends on the Wizards of Waverly Place movie thats going to be on. :)

Just got off the phone with jade again. 35 mins this time. Lol. I love that kid, i really do. We're gonna go shopping soon, should be fun. :) :) :)

I just had a 22 minute conversation via phone with Jade about hair and beauty stuff. Lol. What the eff? He's a dork, but i love him.
XOXOX

Call me up, and let me make it juicy for you.

We're watching Cats. Lol.

Lol. We were gonna go to the Tuesday M@TM show, but we got the weeks messed up. Now we're all dressed up with no where to go. Oh well, we'll think of something.

They call me the Muffin Man.

''Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures.'' -H. Jackson Brown Jr.

The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.

Its kind of delicious. ;)

If i died tomorrow, would anyone cry?

Ha. ;3

I'm glad I could be of assistance. :)

For even though he has caused me grief in the past, I would scrap for him as if he were my own; because, simply enough, he is.

Together we will be an unstoppable force. A trio destined to be. Lol. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.

''I am made stronger by those who make me weak'' -Jaime Matthews

I just got 3 songs dedicated to me tonight. :) i'm so effing cool. :):):)

I just decided that i HATE the name jim. I don't know why. I just do. :)

Oh em gee. I'm bored. And there is this huge spider like watching me from across the room. O.o bastard.

I've been without internet for a week. I think i'm dead on the inside. I'll have so much to catch up on when it's back. :( not fun. Not fun at all.

"If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up somewhere else." - Yogi Berra.

Sitting with lily on her bed. Chillin and talkin bout life. Lol. Her boobs look awesome. Lol. Now she's shy. :)

Camping got canceled. :) I laughed. A lot. Lol. Oh well. I'll hang out with lily and there will be no awkward sex time. Yey. ;-)

Nineteen: Tegan and Sara

This is the second T&S song I've posted on my blog. And most likely, it won't be my last. I really do love them. Thanks Kristen.

This song, at the moment, really moves me. Lol. Lame I know, but the truth. ^^

I feel you in my heart; I don't even know you.

I felt you in my legs, before i even met you. And when i laid beside you, for the first time, i told you. I feel you in my heart. I don't even know you.

I knew you'd never change. Keep it up, you're only proving me right. Is it strange how much I love to hate you? You just make it so easy. You're a prime example of the different types of crazy.

OMG

Tonight was the weirdest night of my life....OMG. OMG OMG!. what the FUCK! Dx

POST

I want to hate you.

Blah

Its just a blah day. Im bored. Sitting in my room, planning for the remainder of summer. should be...uneventful like every summer. But whatever. I have lily. Shes great to hang out with. And other ppl too. I have a good feeling about this summer. <3

Bored bored bored.

D:

Ummm, lets see. I'm thinking about picking up one of my old fiction press things. Agaisnt all odds. But i'm changing the name to "cant think straight" and Imma edit a bunch of the shit. Like, change chars. names and stuff. You know, i noticed, ive never finished a full length story before...>.>

Im such a slacker...:D

I think im starting to crush on someone I know. >_< but she's so quiet and anti social. plus, there are lots of problems that may arise from dating her...>.> Ill think it out and keep you updated.

Lily's getting a lizard...>.> random.

I got to talk to Cake on skype! omg. Hes so cute. I love him to pieces. Even though he takes things way too seriously. Like last night, he got mad at me for saying i have a penis...>.> IDK, old issues pertaining to a gf...>.> Ahh that boy. I dont think i will ever fully understand him.

I should be expecting some visiters this summer. :D Yey! I love getting visited by ppls! lol. >.> shut up. I do. I like ppl...Kinda....>_> SHHH

SCHOOLS OUT AND IM SUPER BORED! Even though I never went to school anyway, I still miss having something to do if i got bored. D: Now I have to resort to stuff like...going out and doing stuff...EW. lol.

I've become such a diva lately. I love it. ^^

BORED BORED BORED

I still need to clean my room....Unfortunatly I havent gotten to the level of boredom where that actually seems like fun...>.> Gah. Damn.

its cold in my room.

it shouldnt be. Its summer. But im like shivering and shit. D: Fuck the whether.

Bored and random....Nuuuuuu.

I think im gonna go read more cosmo stuff before i dance later. Okies. Blog when i can.

Ja blogs pplz

~rei out~

PARK DAY HAS OFFICIALLY STARTED

Sitting in Zacks van. Watching the homos get all lovey dove y

Update:

Going to graduation with Lily tommorow. If I wake up. I know I didn't wake up today until about half hour before M@TM starts. Needless to say, I was late. But it was a good show, for the most part. I hung out with Carissa and Erin most of the night. Then I hung out with Morgan when it was over. It was good times. We decided that moths eat jizz. True fact. lol.

I recently got skype. It's pretty beastin for the most part. I get dropped a lot, but thats probs only cuz my compy sucks. Dx Oh wells, I can still talk to ppl. I can't wait until I get to talk to Cake. The bastard hasnt been on in forever. His interwebs died. Q.Q I miss my Christian. <3 him 4eva.

I'm going camping this coming weekend with Lily, Nick, Charlie, Trevor (ew) and possibly Zack. Should be fun. Most likely HAWT, but fun none the less.

Speaking of my little homo. He's supposed to spend a week with me this summer. We're gonna work on music stuff and just be awesome in general. I miss him sometimes. We never really get to hang out anymore. A week might be much, but still. Just kidding. I could handle a week with him. As long as my A.C. works. Otherwise, we might have problems.

I'm almost done watching Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebelion R2. Once i finish that series...I have no idea what I'll watch. I'm sure I'll find something. There's a shit load of shows on AnimeFuel.

I need to clean my room...but i dont want to. I hate cleaning my room, even though atm its not that bad. Still takes too much effort.

Cause I feel, the distance, between us, could be over, with a snap of your fingers.

I've started drawing again, and I've almost got the urge to write again. Which is good. Those are two things that have died on me lately. I think my Prozac is starting to work again, now that it's back in my system. It fucked me up there for a bit, but if i keep taking it like i am now, it should be good. Hopefully. This Emo Shits ridiculous. D:

I feel like dancing. :D

I think I will.

~rei out~

Sitting up

in my bedroom, aimlessly browsing the interwebs for some source of entertainment. I'm confused. I angry. And above all, I'm lonely.

I've been abandonned by those I love. as pathetic and melo dramatic as that sounds. I feel utterly helpless here. I'm going crazy here. Somebody should say hi.

GOD, why am i always so fucking EMO. god fucking fuck! AHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

^#$&**(@*#^$)@)($&$%)#(@)(*$(*)(*$#&&&$^!@&#&&#@^^#$^@&&***$^@(@)(*&$(*&Q^@^@*#*(_@_*@&%^%@#*^#$%^$%##&*@@!%#*#*((*&#)!)*(^#(*&!(&#*(^@$!&@)#^@%%!&*((@%#T!*(~_&@&(~`

WTF.

KTHXBAI

POST:

I'm sitting in the library, at school for the first time in nearly two weeks. Thunder is clashing violently outside, making me wonder why I even bothered coming. But then again, maybe it's just fitting for my mood.

I don't know why it effects me. I mean, it's not like I loved her or anything. Maybe it was because I've never misread someone so wrongly before. I can honestly say I never saw that one coming. I could just as easily blame him, but I won't. He never promised me anything. He was never my friend to begin with. They did it for the lulz. Hmm. Yeah, that was hilarious, alright.

I have a semi date this weekend. Casey and me are gonna hang out. IDK how much of a date that can be considered, therefor it becomes a 'semi date'. He reminds me of Cake. It's a bit creepy, but not in a bad way.

I miss Cake. I havent talked to him in days. With my compy dead, it'll prolly be a while. I could always send him an email someday when I'm at school. Maybe. Yeah, i will. Next week if I'm here.

I did not

hang out with John. Didn't want to. And I don't feel bad or dissappointed about it either. I'm like, whatever.

Instead, I stayed home by myself (since everyone had gone to visit family) and did nothing. Well, okay, I made some falafel (that wasn't too bad, i think I'm getting better at it), talked to some friends, and played with my new rat, Memo. (he's super cute)

I went outside for a bit too. Like I used to do when I was younger. I sat in my old spot like always and just did nothing. It used to comfort me when I was little. I would spend hours outside, alone, just talking outloud and playing make-beleive. Now, it just makes me realize how much has changed. I wish I could go back to those times, when my life was so much simpler. Now. Its too complicated. I can't stand it. Is it sad that I had a better friend in myself then?

I'm supposed to help my aunt garden today. I have to wait for my cousin to wake up so he can take me out there. I like gardening. I used to do that when I was little too.

Charlie is staying the night with me next saturday. We're gonna go to Sammy's graduation party then the re-opening of M@TM. I excited. I miss M@TM. Lonely saturdays sitting outside by myself just don't cut it anymore. xD

Kristen called me thursday night. We talked for about an hour. I figured it would have been awkward the first time we talked via phone, but it really wasn't. She told me she felt real with me, and that made me feel good. I like her. She's sweet. Preppy, ha, but sweet.

I would like to go to cali someday soon. I should get a job so I can save the money to go. I think it would be good to get away. I could meet ppl like cake and vamp, and hang out with Kristen all day. It would be nice. There would be no problems in California.

Summer is approaching. Quicker than I thought. I have no Idea what i'm gonna do all season. Maybe I'll write a book or something...Nah. I'll just hang with ppl and do what I always do. I could prolly hang with Casey if all goes well. I haven't seen him in a while. Maybe it's since I don't go to wal mart anymore. lol. Oh well. We'll hang out soon and it will all be good. Maybe I'll take him to Sammy's party. That would be cool. Maybe. If charlie didn't kill him...idk. I guess we'll see.

I'm starting to ramble now. I should probably go.

Okies, well, see you next time blog peoples.

Baiiiii

~rei out~

I've become a Coward.

I cry out, but no one hears me. And if they do, they don't care enough to respond. I feel pathetic and weak, and no one makes me feel any better. I need help right now, not ridicule. I need love and understanding, I need someone to just pat my back and tell me it will be okay. But no one will. WHy do I bother?

I've become something that scares me. I do things I always promised myself I wouldn't do. I think I'm losing my fucking mind and there's no one here to help me find it.

I keep trying. I keep failing. There's no point. They say the quickest way to get out of a hole, is to stop digging. But right now, I'm standing in a pit of quicksand. No matter what I do, I'll just continue to sink.

You only hear what you want to hear. Go on, live your life, pretend I never existed.

How less than a year can beat out forever, I'll never know.

The coast seems nice this time of year.

Pink's My Favourite Colour. :D

I love this man. Possibly my new fav web celeb. No lie. PhillyD is my hero.

TRUTH.

AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

This song is really pretty

Even though I'm pretty sure--what with recalling the episode and the lyrics--that its about a girl who kills herself because the person she loved didn't return the feeling, its still a lovely song. I found it by accident and I remember That I always loved that episode of Danny Phantom. ^^

John called me again. This time we talked for like 20 minutes. He told me I should feel special. I did. :D. He amuses me, even if he is an asshole sometimes.

IDK, i think we might be hanging out this weekend. I have no idea. I guess He'll call me or something if he wants to. We'll just have to see.

Post

"The first thing to do to get out of a hole, is to stop digging."

This whole thing is just too much and I don't know how much longer I will be able to take it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVOURITE ASIAN!!! <3<3<3

Gettin mah hurr did.

This song is super pretty. It's the opening to House M.D. and I love it.


I'm getting ready to Dye my hair again. I was supposed to do it for prom but since I didn't go I've kida put it off. Considering that I have a date tommorow, I thought I should get on that.


I haven't been sleeping much lately. I haven't been able to. Not since Saturday. I've been all out of it. I can't think and when I do my thoughts make me cry. I tell myself one thing then do something else completely. Honestly I just want it all to go away. Im out of vodka for now. I've nothing else to turn to. I hate this.

I need to work on my creative writing but I have no inspiration.
I need to work on a lot of things.
I'm failing everything now.
Everything is piling up.
And its getting heavy.

About 2 hours ago...john called me...so he could sing to me... I was so scared. O_o

Sitting at school

nothing to do. Bored. bored. bored.

Been up since one. Couldn't sleep even though I took 4 sleeping pills. Nothing seems to work. So i gt online and talked my mah homies from AF. I love them. So much.


Still and Dark got married. I was the ring bearer. Chat was the best man. And Light was the stripper. Minnie wasnt there. She would be so devistated if she found out. Still and dark were gonna e comsimate the relationship, but then she started kicking babies and whatnot so he feared for his p33ns life. Evidentally I owe them all nekkid pics of me....O.o Not gonna happen but whatever.

Imma convince Cake to come visit me. He lives in Cali. Light is gonna plan the trip for him. Lol. <3 cake.

The boys helped me pick out undies. Light wanted the Rockstar ones. Cake liked the Southpark ones. Since i like cake more i picked SouthPark. He was happeh but then light was sad...>.> Oh wells.

My day

I went to the reinactment with Lily today. I had to get out of this house and I thought about her. She managed to cheer me up and make me feel much better which is more than I can say for some people.

We hung out with Nick and Emily. I told ugly guys they were...well, ugly. I avoided the sunlight as much as possible and felt like a DIVA in my big scene kid shades. I bought a giant jawbreaker sucker and ate half of it. Then we went back to Lily's and hung out. I convinced her to text Nick, this guy she met at the Hamilton Prom. Now we have a double date for friday. Her and Nick, me and Nick's friend James. Lily says he's cute, but I have my doubts. Whatever. I'l lmanage so I can make Lily happy.


She told me i was hot. ^^ That made me feel good.



I still haven't looked at them yet. This secret is mine alone and I'm almost afraid that I can't bare it by myself. Its Ugly and its all my fault.

They say that human touch is the best cure for tears. But what happens why there's no one around to hold your hand? Are you doomed to cry forever? Cold, bleeding, and alone, lying on your bedroom floor, wishing for it all to just stop. You can't feel your own heartbeat but you know you're still alive because you still hurt.

You long for something to happen. Something to change, not realizing that everything already has. All the things that were supposed to make you feel good have let you down, so what have you got left?

A small soul and a silver kiss is all that remains now. A single song plays over and over in your head. The same lines repeating. The song doesn't even work for your situation because you've never had a truly great love, but you sing it anyway in that broken little voice of yours. Over and over. It won't stop.

Your memories make you sick, but you can't help but think about them because they are the only thing that used to make you happy. You ask yourself how this all transpired. Why you let yourself get this far off track. How you've managed to lose yourself completely even though the path ahead is crystal clear.

You feel sick, but you don't allow yourself to throw up. No. That could possibly save your life, and you don't want that. You welcome death. You await it eagarly. But it never comes. You know how to speed up the process, but the knife is too far away and you're finally comfortable on the floor.

You lay there, watching the flashing lights on the ceiling and wondering if you'll ever wake up. The answer is no. You never will. And this is the bad kind of eternal slumber.

Movie Night:

Finally went and saw the Hannah Montana Movie. IT WAS AMAZING.

Lily, Jenjen, Asian, and Donavan all went with me. None of them seemed too excited but all of them liked it by time it was over. Except for the ginger. But who cares. She can hate. I love HM. THats all that matters.

The movie almost made me cry. Its so cute. <3 to that movie.

Fuck you.

Now you've even ruined porn for me? Go to hell where you belong and stop torturing me.

THERE IS A GOD!!!1

AND HE WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY!!!!!!! M@TM IS COMING BACK MAY 16TH!!!!!! FUCK YEAH BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111one

THIS IS FOR STILL:

[NOTE: this will make NO sense to those who have no experienced the chatbox.]


This is the layout for my new sitcom that we came up with in the animefuel chatbox, like losers.

Still doesn't think I can do this, and made fun of my sitcom, but he will learn.

So here's basic Character Layout:

Rei: Main character. The story revolves around her and the adventures in her apt building.

Minnie: Rei's little sister.

Dark: Rei's creepy antisocial roomie and the resident loon.

Still: Lardlord of apt Building and hella creeper. Is a major asshole and has a thing for Minnie, thus making him a pedo.

Chat: Rei's gay neighbor.

Cha0s: Chat's bf

Sidd: Token Black friend. Lives in the apt above Rei and has the hots for Chat.

Chop: Foreign super with amazing flippy hair.

Bongs: Lives on bottom floor next to Still and is a total pot head.

Vamp: JESUS

Freek: Sidd's bf with homosexual tendancies. Is bestfriends with Bongs.

Fox: Loser who hits on everyone but gets no action. Co-worker and Sidd's little bro.

Kei: Rei's bestfriend and co-worker.

Hmmm, who else......?

Um.

I think that's everyone. If this doesn't satisfy Still, I might have to write up a script. The Jessica has no life, I can do that.

^^

Brookesany. Charlie wants to finger your bum. Watch out.

Sitting on Charlie's bed.
Just chillin.
He keeps feeding me Twix. I'm getting sick.
Damn him.

God damn it. My phone is being difficult.

Jackie's party tonight.
My cousin is mad cuz i got a ride. Oh well.
Evidently people at school think i'm preggers. Awesome. I love rumors. I wanna fuel it.

This guy is my new Best friend

<3

The City Of Clipsville

Best episode of PowerPuff Girls EVER

I love Utada Hikaru

This is her cover of BOBD by Green Day. Its the only Greenday song that I like and I think she does a million times better than them.

Enjoy.

Parteh

My Jackie turns 16 monday, and on the 17th, he's having his birthday bash. I'm super excited. One I love my little Jackie and I haven't seen him in forever. Two I need to get out of this town and meet new people even if its only for a couple hours.

My granny is paying my cousin so he will take me and my friends down there and pick us up later on that night. So far I know fer sure that I am going. I don't know about the gingy or the asian one. Emily might be going with us too. Should all be fun.

Riry-Fish and me are gonna plan a big sexy time party soon. We don't know when or where, but once we get it figured out it's gonna be awesome.

I'm supposed to parteh with Emily this weekend, but if M@TM is back (rumors say it is) then we're totally going to that instead. But hey, with the return of M@TM, it will be a party regardless.

So yeah, all in all my life looks half way fun for a bit.

Nothing to do.
Hella bored.
Need entertainment.
-Dies-

I wish i was hot like the PussyCat Dolls.

I love this song.

At this point in my life, when nothing seems to make sense and the reality of everything is right around the corner, waiting to strike, a song like this really hits me.

Almost strong enough to give me faith.

Check it. I can blog from my phone. Bitchin.

I cant think...

Nothing makes sense in my head. Or out of it for that matter.

My thoughts, my emotions. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I hate this

I hate this whole thing.

My life I mean.

I don't know if I can keep this up.

Everything was looking up for a while there. My life was decent for once. Now...I don't know.

Now I'm just scared.

I'm terrified and confused and I...I'm lost.

How did I manage to get so off track? What happened to my plans?

They died. I'm so far gone I dont know if I'll ever make it back.

I need help but...I dont know who or how they could help me.

I cant even help myself.

Well...

Thats a lie.

There is one way.

But I dont know if I'm ready for that yet.

Thats almost as scary as growing up and facing my life and all the decisions i've made along the way.

Almost.

We'll see.

It's been a while...

But let me just say.

Life is good at the moment.

Really good.

Good friends=Good times.

Hope it remains as such.

We'll see, wont we.

Sitting with the Sibs

Watching Batman in the living room. No GRents home. Just me and the youngins. I'm using my granny's laptop so I can not be bored. I've seen the movie many times so I cant exactly be thrilled, but whatev. Gives me time to blog since I havent done that in a while. So says the asian one. >.>

Anyway.

I hate my friends. They COMPLETELY lack subtlety (<---just spent like 5 mins trying to figure out how to spell that word and still doenst think it looks right). >.> -ristsz-

Now its on to damage control....

yeah well. John might be going with us to the Icon show. Which would be cool and give me the oppurtunity to work on him a bit. God knows I need to...>.>yeah.

Anyway.

Ever notice how i say 'anyway' a lot?

Hmmm

Anyway.

lol. god I'm a loser.

I need a life.

I need to get laid.

Whatever. I'm gonna go do a bunch of cosmoGIRL quizes and angst about my life...>.>

You know...

There was something important that I wanted to blog about. I remembered it whilst lying in bed last night thinking...unfortunately, right now, I don't recall what the hell it was. But it was super importante! Crap. I'll think of it eventually...I hope. gdi. Fuck my life.

So, my week so far...

Has been..well, A good one. I've had a great time so far. Ever since Saturday I've been feeling great. I've had my blah moments, yeah, but most of them have been pretty fuckin sweet. It's weird. Normally I don't have good weeks or even days for that matter, but this, surely, is a once in a life time occurance. ^^

I think it's cause my love life has picked back up a bit and I'm hella excited about it. I mean, it's about fucking time! I've had the biggest lull of my life this past like...month or so, so, now that that lull is over -knocks on wood- I'm really...i dont know. Relieved? Maybe. Who knows? I'm just feelin good. Which is interesting when you think about it. All my friend's love life's died now that mine is picking back up...Hmm. I think this could be considered a sign. >.>

Or something.

Whatever.

Not making sense anymore.

I should go.

I'll keep you posted blog peoples.

ja!

RF2 opening

^^ this is the opening for Rune Factory 2:A Fantasy Harvest Moon. I just got this game Friday and already I'm addicted. By far one of the best HM games I've ever played and I highly recommend it to any HM fans or even those who have never heard of it. Amazing addition to an AWESOME series. <3

Is it...

selfish of me to say I've changed my mind?
That maybe, just maybe, you mean more to me than what I say.
My words have never matched my thoughts.
Or my heart for that matter.
But I'm trying.
I'm working on it.

It's a long and tedious process,
But I am slowly building up whatever it is I need to do...
Whatever it is I need to do.
At this point I'm not sure.
Hopefully though, I will figure that out soon enough.

Is it sad that I feel this way?
Did you know I've never heard you so much as say my name?
I can't even imagine those words coming from your lips
and yet still they haunt me.
How does that even work?

You make me lie.
You make my words lose whatever meaning they once held
You make my heart stop and then start all over again.
I won't say I love you,
Because I don't.
And, if we keep this up,
I never will.
Or maybe I will without meaning to.
Who knows anymore.

I certainly don't.
If I did.
I wouldn't be here.
Sitting alone.
Thinking of you.

You confuse me more than anything else.
I don't know what you want.
I don't know what I want.
I just don't know anymore.

You could tell me.
You should tell me.
But you won't.
That would be too easy.
It would go against all your preset ways.

No.
Instead of making this simple for both of us you'll drag this out,
Run it straight into the ground and still keep going.
I'll keep dancing around.
Trying to please you
even If I know it won't have an effect.
I'll lie to you.
I'll lie to them.
I'll lie to myself.

Yeah. So my socks don't match.
Who cares?
Oh.
That's right.
You do.

Of course you do.
It's the only thing about me you do care about.

Thanks.

Tonight...

Was amazing.

IconForHire played. Awesome band. Best that's ever played at M@TM. No lie. Jenjen, Brookesany, and Steph were all there. So was david, but he wouldn't dance.

After the show we all hung around and talked. I got the bassist for IFH, Josh, to hug Stephanie. I didnt know if she was going to hit me or kiss me. I was scared. But she liked it. And I'm pretty sure he did too. We talked to him for like 30 minutes or so. He wants us to start a girl band called Veggie Force since we (morgan, jenjen, brookesany, and myself) are all veggies.

He also asked me hair tips.

Hair was a big focus of the night.

Jade wants me to be on the lookout for neon green hair dye for him. for some reason, I'M expected to buy it...O.o He's lucky I love him..

Also, I had another Hair Celebrity moment. Some random girl and her bf came up and asked me for a picture of my hair. I was like "sure, whatev" so they took it. It's like the 3rd time that's happened to me. My hair is famous guys. NO LIE.

There was an interesting moment with me and the ever changing Johnathan. I wont go into details, for the sake of integrity (cha right) but I will say it killed my hopes of forgetting about him. -sigh- -ristszzzzz-

Anywhozer.

I think I gave Rollie a bruise. I almost feel bad, but then I think of all the times he's fucked with me and then I don't. He's my buddy and all, but sometimes he can be a real dick. I wonder if it runs in the family...>.>gdi


I think we might all go to the St. Louis show for IFH. that would be sweet. Ill bring John along and force him to...I mean. We'll talk politely in the back seat of jenjen's car and nothing inappropriate will happen. ^-^

shut up.

Anywayz.

Done Blogging. Must Harvest.

~rei out~

To My Sock...

This song made me think of you.

McCruelty? I'm Hatin' It!

A while back I became a member of the Peta 2 street team to support my fuzzy (and sometimes not so fuzzy) friends and those out to make the world a better place for animals everywhere. Well, this afternoon when I check my email, I had something from Peta with the below link to their site page about CAK (Controlled-Atmosphere Killing), poultry suppliers, and the horrid conditions that these poor birds suffer through. Though I already had a basic idea of what went on, I had no clue that things were so bad until I watched the video...I didn't know weather I should hit something, throw up, or cry.

Please, follow the link, watch the video, and help Peta put an end to this cruelty.


http://www.peta.org/cak/



Q.Q

I love chickens! Fucking McDonald's...

Thinking of You

Best song I've heard in a long time. Katy Perry truly is a lovely girl with a lot of talent, despite what others might say.

ALL MY SINGLE LADIES! [translation]

Okay...So...last night, I made a post...that was...well...Stupid. Alcohol tends to make me like that. I get weird and ramble a lot...So, I'm sorry about that. I'm even sorrier to the people at M@TM that had to witness my...over zealous...affections...

Okay, no. I'm an outright whore when I'm drunk. Well, I guess I'm not as bad as I thought. I was able to control myself this time and I didn't do anything too regrettable. I behaved solely for someone that we wont talk about. Which made me proud of myself! ^^

Anyway, somehow I managed to hit a few points with my rants last night, even if no one can understand them, so I will translate them for you so you guys stay updated. ^^

I went alone, again, and had every attention to leave if no one was there. Fortunately, Pete and Ethan were there, so I talked to them most of the night. Matt showed up a bit later, and we hung out for a bit. And it's probably a good thing too, because..well, lets just say the night would have been a waste had he not.

Anyway, John was there, but only for like 5 minutes before he left to go to a v day party and, according to Jade, Get drunk. Which, as far as I knew, John didn't drink. But you never know. He could. Either way, I really cant say anything considering. But I did get to see and talk to john even if it was only for a little bit. So, yeah.

Speaking of Jade. I'm pretty sure I promised to get him drunk...o.O Yeah, i know. But whatever. I think I have to get high with him first though. Which...is...an interesting thought really. Slightly scary. I also offered to beat up his 'girl friend' if she hurt him again. And, hell, I would have said that even without the alcohol. Jade is my buddy. NO ONE gets to hurt him. They hurt him, I hurt them. Simple rule I use with all my friends. For wurd.

Also speaking of Jade. He has now made it his place to know my hair colour at all times...O.o I'm not entirely sure why. But, thats jade for you.

I noticed that most of my post has been about Jade...>.> Hmmm.

Evidentally, under the influence of alcohol, I'm 'wild'. Or so I've been told...>.> Yeah. Well, I could be worse. I HAVE been worse...anyway. At least I'm likable when I'm drunk. which is more than I can say for some people.

Oh, apparently, The reason that John hasnt been going to M@TM as much is because he's been grounded. Partially for his grades, partially for back talking his mom. Rollie told me this. We talked for quite a bit last night...Well, from what I rememeber of last night, anyway.

the main thing I remember is taht I kept taking the cue ball when Ethan and Pete were trying to play pool. I wanted it. SO I kept taking it and throwing it at the table trying to hit the balls...Im not entirely sure why...o.O

My face hurts...I blame Pete. >,<

Anyway. That's what my drunken ramblings from last night were all about. So, again. I'm sorry for my...yeah.

So, I will see you around blog peoples!

Ja!

ALL MY SINGLE LADIES!

I love that song! Its inspiring. Especially on a day such as today. Valentine's day. I hope everyone out there is having a good one, cause I know I'm not.

In fact, right Now. I'm half off my ass. Let me tell you, I've been celebrating. Vodka and fundip powder make a good combo.

Anyway. I went to M@TM. It was pretty sweet. Pete was there and lookin good. Matt was too. Though, his mohawk scaras me. alot. Oh well. I still had fu

Joh n was there though only for a little bot befroe he went to a vday party to get drunk. He looked good and w ehad a moment, but it wasnt very long before he lefted. i think i promised jade I would get hight with him if her got drunk with me. Sweet. I ould love to get drunk with jade. hes a cute little bastard. I adore him. <3

I left when ethna left. i didnt want to be alone.

evidentaly the reason that jogn hadnt been at the ,a;; laetly was because he was grounded. Rollie was only there because he helped woth the badn. it makes me sad

Im never goona get lai d if he keeps ths up.

=fundk my life.

Dress Update: The Basic Idea

HERE ^ is what I'm HOPING my dress looks like. Thats a general thing I got going. It will look similar unless magically I find the 'perfect' dress before I get this one. otherwise, THIS is my dress.

Now, I realize that the picture is shitty, butI did it in like 7 minutes last night while trying to watch HOUSE. Like I said, very basic, genral idea here.

I'll have some strappy black shoes and lots of hot pink and zebra acs. Wh00t! Twill be sexah!

Dress Update:

I think I might have found a dress that works.

Well, at least, it will, once I'm done with it.

Right now it's very simple.

Black, short, kinda looks like a black version of the Marylin Monroe dress, but better.

I will add junk to it. Lace. Lots of lace. And some zebra print fabric and all kinds of crazy. I'll make it hella sexy. WURD.

I guess I can maybe post pictures tonight, when I'm back in my room so that I actually HAVE the pictures, of course. Since, right now, being on the school compy, I haven't got them.

But who knows. I might find a better dress and buy it. I still have several prospects to look through. You never know.

<3

Prom Dress Shopping

sucks.

I've spent the past 2 days looking at dresses for my Jr Prom and, though I have some prospects, I haven't really found anything that 'speaks to me'

Yet.

Eventually (at least i hope) I will find something worth while.

But until then, I'll keep looking.

I'm aiming towards a really simple black dress that I can add to. Like a pair of hella sexy zebra print tights or a bunch of cute bows. Idk.

I'll keep you guys updated.

but, for now.

tata, blog peoples.

Oh Em Gee

I LOVE THIS EPISODE! Its the first ep of Season 4 when Wilson and House have like an all out war over weather or not House Needs a team or not.

You know, Wilson says yes, House says no. Wilson steals House's guitar, House steals Wilson's Patient. Wilson makes a funny noise, House solves a case. Then House eventually decides to hire a team, but he HAS to fuck with Cuddy first, of course.

Its EPIC.

I love Wilson.

He has really prettiful eyes.

But House's, though blue, are HELLA sexy.

<3

Dude.

The guy in this episode of House looks like Cory from Boy Meets World.

Weird.

Blah.

Watching House.

Already seen it.

Bored.

-cry-

The last episode of House was pretty BA. It was the end of Season 3, where House's team quit/got fired. I miss the old team, but the new team has Hot Bi Doctor Girl, AKA Thirteen, AKA Rema Hadley, but I prefer to call her Hot Bi Doctor Girl.

I will miss Chase though. How am I gonna make Slasher jokes if my main Bishie is gone? Q.Q

I love FunDip.

So much.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

HOUSE.

And FunDip.

ooooooh.

House covered in FunDip..?

I'd lick his FunDip Pole. Hell yeah.

A Little Research.

Lies. All of it. And not very good ones at that.

Life Update: [WARNING: EMO rant below]

Life, as of late, has been pretty crazy.

Starting school, changing images, new and old passions igniting, its all been very hectic in Jessica Land.

Given, most of these changes/problems have been self-initiated, but, none-the-less...interesting.

Its funny how much my life has changed in just the past month alone. I've gained and lost friendships. Discovered new hobbies. I've been writing more, drawing/reading less. My observation skills have been revived from the 'sleep' they've been in since my depression took a turn for the worst back last September. And that's not the only thing that rearing its head once more; peeking out of the 'dark abyss' otherwise known as my mind.

I've taken to watching people in a vain attempt to gain insight. Humans, as simple and close minded as they may be, fascinate me lately. It's odd that I separate myself from them, despite the fact that, obviously, I'm not that different. Though, this could be chalked up to the recent isolation I have felt from others. As much as I hate to admit it--for fear of sounding utterly cliche, of course--I feel incredibly alienated from those around me. Who knows why. There are theories, of course. Stupid, unfounded ones to those that sound like they might have come from the mouth of Dr. Phil himself.

Maybe its due to my relationships as of late. I've had some fail, some rekindle. Both for better and for worse. I've been surprised--pleasantly and unpleasantly-- by them. Honestly, I'm hoping for a nice lull in the emotional whirlwind otherwise known as my social life. I both fear and crave change. I hate the idea of the same old same old, but I'm terrified of the great unknown. I guess my life is one big contradiction now a days. I hate it. I want things to go back to the way they were back in Freshman year. Back when life was simple and good. When I could count on my friends and they could count on me. Now I feel like friendship--something I've held impossibly dear for so long--is failing me.

I've no one to confide in. I used to have confidants. Now I've only myself--both to talk to and to blame. I haven't been the best friend. In fact, I'm a down right bitch. And I know this. The people around me know this. Hell, people I don't even know know this. I want to change. But I've never been strong willed when it comes to things like that. I don't have the drive to change. Though I long for it, i fear I will never have it. I'm trying though. It's a slow going process, but its going at least. Give me time. I'll be a better friend. Someone my pals deserve. I promise. My life is a bit fucked right now, but I'll get there.

I hope.

I suppose that one of my main problems was the fact that I got pulled into something I really should have steered clear of. Stupid and juvenile, I know, but, at the time, I didnt care. I was living in a dream that turned into a nightmare. But, I guess, I can thank those who played a significant part in fucking up my Chi. Despite everything, they helped me see a lot of faults. In myself, in others, and in humanity in general. They also gave me a whole new goal in life. One that I will achieve no matter what. It wont be easy, I know, but, I honestly think I can make it. I have to. I wont settle for anything less.

Thanks, Bitches.

I think I want something now, and I know what it is. Problem is, I don't know how to get it. Its like a frightened animal that I want to catch. Wounded and scared, it'll put up quite the struggle, so I have to be extremely carefully and nurturing, but, I've always had a soft spot, so I think that, if I play my cards right, I can capture it and call it my own. At least, that's what I hope for.

Then again, this animal could very well be too much to handle. Cute and cuddly on the outside, but one wrong move could make it vicious and deadly and I could end up getting hurt. Again. And I'm not too sure that I have enough band-aids. But what's life with out a little danger?

I'm setting up my cages and watching them carefully. Lets see what comes of it, shall we?


I had a bit of a mental break down not too long ago. I believe that the whole week leading up to my birthday was like a lit fuse that finally reached the end the day after, when the initial shock wore off. I don't know why it fucked with me so much, turning 17, but it did. Most teens look forward to their birthdays, I was dreading mine. Is it weird that I already feel like I'm out of time? Its like all the things I've ever wanted to accomplish in life went down the drain. I lost hope. I couldn't stand it. I came so close to permanently fucking my life to hell because I got so scared. Fear is more powerful than most people think. It drove me to tears. To blood. To alcohol. Anything I could do to try and escape I went for, but nothing worked. It was still there. Still as horrifying as ever. And I'm still not even sure why.

People tell me I'm being foolish and that my life is just beginning. I wish I felt that way. I wish I felt anyway but this way. I'm so lost and I don't know why or how to find my path again. It's causing me to lose my way and wander deeper into this hell that I've created. I want it to stop. But I cant. And I'm afraid to ask for help because I don't want people to think I'm crying for attention. I'm not. I want to hide. I don't know what I'm doing and I hate not being in control. I want to pretend that everything is fine and go on with my life. But at the same time I'm worried about what will happen if I don't stop it.

God what has happened to me?

This was supposed to be a blog about the new job I might be getting soon and my hair, not some emo rant about how fucked I am in the head. What the hell is going on. This stuff just poured out of me. I cant make it stop. But I have to get it out somehow.

Whatever.

Anyway.

To my friends: I'm sorry. I love you. You have no idea. Wait for me. I'll be better soon. One way or another.

To my Enemies: I'm too tired to care. Like me or not, just stop making me sick. I don't need it. I don't want it. Just leave me alone.

To my family: Give up. I don't believe in giving second chances just because YOU think you deserve them. Its never going to change. I'm onto you. Fuck you all.

To my (imaginary) lover: It sucks doesnt it? I don't understand you. You don't understand me. We probably shouldn't be doing this. But I cant help myself. I'm selfish. I'm needy. And I want to have you.

To everyone else: We're in for a bumpy ride.

So, Jeremy just left...

at like 6:30ish. His mom took forever coming to get him. She like had to shower and junk first and we were like...WTF? But whatever. I'm not complaining. I got to spend extra time with that amazing little gay bastard.

I havent seen him in so long. Not since..what? July? Yeah. Around the end of July. "oh no, we'll hang out like every week and talk all the time!" yeah. LIES. He NEVER has his phone. EVER. He loses it all the fucking time. Sometimes I worry about him. But I am glad i was able to get a hold of hm before my birthday and have him come over. Its been WAY too long. Hopefully, this time, we'll stay connected and hang out more. I love him so fucking much. He's EPIC.

We talked for hours after everyone left. ABout the most random shit...that somehow always got back to Momo's penis. o.O Yeah. Dont ask. I dont know, as much as I'd rather not think about Momo nekkid and sexing it up, I think that Jeremy really needed someone to talk to about it. Surprisingly, Me and Jeremy are like the same person when it comes to a lot of shit. Like Love, sex, and what not. Plus, our pasts are pretty similar, which is something I dont find much.

But my GOD he is SO fucking black! I could barely understand him some times. But I love him anyway; his blackness makes him...HIM.

<3

Sometimes I wonder if they're just playing stupid, or if they really are that clueless.

Jade looked good yesterday. And so did John (who, btw, is talking to me again.). So I'm all kinda happy about that. I guess we'll see where it goes from here. That's really all we can do.

-dance-

Ugh, im so tired. I gotlike 4 hours of sleep last night. Ill prolly turn in right after i post this. I dont really feel up to doing anything else. >.>

-yawn-

I wanna play pokemon. I want a Raltz. DAMN YOU JEREMY.

~rei out~

I hate my fucking life right now...

I don't even want to have the party.

I wanna just sit at home, alone, and cry my eyes out, like I've been doing all morning.

But I cant, because I have no way of contacting ashley or sabrina to tell them the party's been canceled. So, it looks like another night of lies and fake smiles. Joy.

And the drinking begins!

Lets see how fucked up I can get before the night is over, shall we?

2nd post of the morning!

Yey! 2 consecutive posts in less than 20 minutes! Go me!

So, I cleaned some last night...>.> Well, I almost got it done...kinda.

I got distracted and teh next thing I know its like 9 and im sleepy, so i stop.

I should have it finished tonight.

Not that I have any other choice. I have to have it cleaned by tmrw night or else my bday party (if i survive past tmrw) will have to be canceled. And I cant have that. Ill cry.

But I WILL get it done...eventually.

Q.Q

I fucking hate life right now.

Ugh.

So, today I woke up like 30 minutes before I had to leave, took a shower, and decided that today would be my "I-dont-care" day. You know, when you just wear whatever and you could give three shits about your make up and how you look. See, i do this quite often. Get the idea in my head and then try to run with it. yeah. well.

i hate life.

My I dont care days always turn into my why the fuck didnt i care days and my whole day is uined because i look icky, therefor I feel icky. I'm already at that point and its only...7:25 AM. FUCK ME.

I look like...doodie.

No lie.

-cry- -angst- -cutcut-

T-T

whoa.

First time I've been on my compy in AGES. wow. I hate this piece of shit. Cant wait till I get the new one. Ah well, this one has served me well these past couple of years. I guess I really cant complain. <3

On a random note: See that picture? ^ The One at the top of the page?

Yeah.

EPIC.

Anyway.

School is going pretty well. All my classes are pretty cool and everybody loves me (xD) so all is good there. Only thing I really have a problem with is Home Maintainance. Fucking boring as hell, and im the only girl there. Talk about sausage fest. -eye roll- fucking freshmen boys....>.> gah.

Well, easy credit i suppose. It could be worse.

COUNT DOWN. T MINUS TWO DAYS UNTIL ULTIMATE DOOM. Q.Q

-dies-

Blog

So im sitting next to brookesany. Its early and we're waiting for everyone to show up for the meeting this morning.

Pete's mustache smells like dog, but it's hella sexy and bitchin'. WURD. Im so jealous and so is brookesany.

I wish i was in pajamas right now. Like Nicole. Lucky bitch.

Pete's talkin bout oranges. Fucking mexican. Now i want oranges. GDI.

End post.

Mah.

Its been forever since I've been online. Okay, its been like what...3-4 days? Not the point. It feels like forever. And sometimes the way it feels is worse than the reality.

Whoa. Where did that piece of EMO come from?

-shakes head-

anyways

I'm sitting in the library at school, bored and blogging since I've nothing better to do. Ah! The joys of being like the 1st one in school every morning. <3 I love it!

No.

I don't.

I lie.

Being at school this early bites. It makes me wonder why I bothered coming back. I could be sleeping right now...>.> Dreaming of House or more cracked out dreams about...Certain people that we will not mention at this time. xD

Anywhozer.

I cant really think of anything to blog about.

I want to dance.

Really bad,

Its driving me crazy with the urges. Q.Q

-dances crazily-

Okay, now that THATS out of my system.

I still cant think of anything to blog about.

OH! I'm getting a camera soon! YEY! Its a camcorder PLUS a digital camera and like voice recorder and just about everything else you can think of. I'm pretty sure it hold music too. Not too sure, but still. I'm hella excited about it! I've wanted one for so long. My life is almost complete.

Well, you know. Until it ends this friday. T_T

I'll spend my birthday alone in my room crying and getting drunk off vodka and grape drank. Im serious. Those are my plans.

Well, cant be any worse than my New Years. At least this time I'll have alcohol, right?

Anyways.

I'm out of shit to blog about without it getting crazy emo up in here.

So I guess I'll be on my way.

~rei out~

Ready for your surprise?

its...

ME!!!

Thats right! I am back in school baby! That's actually where I am right now. Arent you all so excited that I've returned from the realm of darkness otherwise known as my bedroom?

No more days of being a shut in for me. No sir. I wont fuck it up this time. 3 months of no school (or more importantly, limited social time) has made me realize how stupid I was for fucking it up to begin with.

PLUS. I dont have to take any core classes. Thats means NO math. Im so happy...-wipes tear from eye- its a beautiful thing.

But anyway. Yeah. Thats it. thats your lovely gift. (and quite a splendid one, if I do say so myself) ENJOY!!!

Rei is back with a vengeance,


Fo sho.

I've got a surprise...

For all of my friends! Tomorrow you'll receive it and BOY is it amazing! You'll love it. Fer sure.

In other news. I updated last night! Thats right! Chapter 6 of The Promise He Kept is UP! I've already gotten a fair amount of reviews in the less than 24 hours its been posted. I'm happy about that. Exp when I take a long time to Update...>.>

Evidentally, Im not the only one who has oticed my horendous spelling and I now have a Beta. Yukinokara, one of my old and faithul readers, has agreed to Beta my ficcy, so hopefully my spelling will be less...sucky. -nervous laugh-

yeah....

Well, we'll see, wont we?

~rei out~

PS: OMFG...its the 22nd...8 more days. EIGHT. Thats it. All the time I have left to live before I retire to the life of an old spinster. T_T Whyyyyyy? -sobsob-

Where I Stood.

Lovely song.

The all night adventures of Asian and Bewbie!

I had so much fun with the asian last night.

Oh em jesus I love her. <3 She came over after M@TM and we hugh out. Ended up pulling an all nighter. Which, considering that i ended up not sleeping for 42 hours straight, nearly killed me. When she left this morning I crashed and was dead to the world until about an hour ago. I need sleep. I'll never do that again. EVER.

But we did have hella fun. We talked and caught up (its been way too long). We danced. We bitched. We danced some more. We drank just about everything in my house. We danced. We bitched some more. (there was a LOT of that). It was a trip down memory lane with nothing more than a mango, some condoms, and a very long list. Good times. Good times.

As mentioned earlier, we went to M@TM, which was...Okay, i suppose.

It was a Renae show, so that made it worth while all in its own, but the night...lacked luster for the most part. I dont know, I guess it was because I was so tired. I didnt want to move at all and my eyes kept watering and fucked my make up to hell. But otherwise it was a nice night. I got to hang with Steph and Asian, so that was fun. I saw tiny!matt, whom i havent seen in forever. I Screwed around with Jade (love that kid) and Rollie for some of it. Hell, i even fucked around with the Bassist in Renae! It was pretty cool. He's a funny guy. xD

No molesting. But there were reasons, so no biggie.

Its funny how in the over 12 hours we spent togetherthe asian and i never talked about WC&K scripts and ideas. xD Oh well, we're hanging this weekend as well, so we might eventually get around to it. >.> What? It could happen.

So, basically, all's good in the hood, yo.


PS: I discovered that, at an angle, brookesany looks like Ronnie Radke...It freaked my shit. o.O

Mehhhh.

I'm bored. So very very bored.

I've been on myspace for hours and I'm still bored as fuck. But, I have like 50 new friends to show for it. Heke. xD So I guess its not a total loss.

Still bored though.

Oh well.

Imma go watch House.

<3<3<3

Soooo, I'm running out of names for my random posts...>.>

Anyway. Havent updated on my life in a while, I guess I should...

Hmm, where to begin.

I'm supposed to hang out with Hika-chan tomorrow if the whether permits. We had to cancle last time because she got snowed in. Climates dont like me much, or so I've noticed. Lets keep our fingers crossed, shall we?

Because if the whether doesnt improve before this weekend, Andyroo might not be able to come down and that would hella depress my asian. Q.Q Nuuu. Sad Brookesany is...Well, sad.

Speaking of, we're having a WC&K meeting saturday. Stephanie has agreed to help out and we're thinking of pulling Nick along for the ride. He's a good camera man, we can totally exploit him.


I'm tired and I dont feel good at all. I think Im getting sick and it sucks. -sniffle- its because of the fucking sub zero temps that have been plaguing Keokuk the past couple of days. It has to be. But then, i havent been feeling well for a while now. I think Something threw me off balance. Fucked up my chii and what not. I've just felt very off all week. Like I'm missing something. Hmm. Oh well. Im sure that feeling will subside eventually.

Have you ever been annoyed by music? I havent really been able to listen to music lately since it always seems to get on my nerves. I wonder why? Normally i play music all the time. I love music, so this sudden annoyance I get is odd. God damn Chii.

I also havent written songs in a while. Well, at least not a whole one. Ive got a bunch of pieces of songs written down or recorded, but I need to work on finishing one.

Speaking of music. Icon For Hire plays again Feb. 21st at M@TM. Im so excited. I love that band. Best one to ever play there. I cant wait. Plus, their lead singer, Rel, is totally fucking hot.<3

I'm trying to go back and clean up all my old posts. Ones that I dont need or are too agnsty. -eye roll- angst is SO last year. lol. yeah. But that will fuck up my post numbering which means my big 50th post rant will be severerly misplaced. o.o oh noes.

I watched CSI today. it was Grissom's final episode...Q.Q I cried. Gil Grissom is the first "older gentlemen" i ever had a crush on. He started the crazy obsession that is Jessica. What ever will I do without him?D: First Sarah leaves. Then the guy who played Warreck went to jail for drugs. The actor who plays Jim Brass croaks and now Grissom leaves? WTH. That show has suffered too many losses. I doubt it will last much longer. I know i wont be watching it anymore. It just wont be the same.-shakes head-

I'll just stick to watching House. <3

OMG

I got my eye shadow palette today...>.>It is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. Q.Q Im serious.

I'm in love.

<3<3<3


~rei out~

White Chocolate and Karamel: The Countdown

And so the countdown begins! Its only a matter of time before WC&K finally hits YouTube and, I dont know about you, but im HELLA excited!

Of course, there are still a few kinks that need to be fixed. Like complete background of the characters, theme song, and he costumes, but that can all be taken care of pretty easily, so dont worry.

Speaking of, our theme song (or at least what we have of it) is totally BA. no lie.

I'll keep everyone posted, so be on the look out blog peoples!

<3

~rei out~

Matsu Wa (I'll wait): W

This is an absolutely lovely song. Q.Q Almost made me cry even before I read the english lyrics (With my basic knowledge of Japanese i was able to get some of it, but not the whole song) and then i actually checked with what they were really saying and i was all like Q.Q! Good song by a good duo. I love W. they will be missed.

I used to always pretend to be cute and people said

I tried too hard

Back then living was hard

Our love comes and goes,

always passing each other by

That we would someday, somewhere be joined

Is my eternal dream

The wide, blue sky doesn't belong to anyone

The clouds fluttering in the breeze

Drifting along

I'll wait, I'll wait forever

Even if you don't turn around

I'll wait, (I'll wait)

I'll wait forever

Until the day someone else dumps you

It's sad how with you,

I'm always A joker with no need for tears

I can easily bluff my way through

But when I'm alone,

I quietly cry

No one can see my heart

But I wanted you at least

To understand I'll wait,

I'll wait forever

Even if you don't turn around

I'll wait, (I'll wait)

I'll wait forever

If I can at least look at you I'll wait,

I'll wait forever

Even if you don't turn around

I'll wait, (I'll wait)

I'll wait forever

Until the day someone else dumps you

Denial Quote

Okay, so i just got done reading this lovely House, M.D. Fanfic called denial. Basic rundown:

Chase falls in love with House and is afraid that House will hurt him so he suddenly stops talking to House and does everything in his power to avoid him and naturally House is..Well, i wouldnt say upset or confused as much as he is intrigued, so he sets out to figure out what the hell is up with chase because secretly he wants Chase too. So, after an arguement and some feelings shared, the two agree that their relationship wont be all flowers and love letters and give it a whirl and live happily ever after and whatnot.

Anyway, here's a paragraph in it that really spoke to me, so I thought I'd share it with all the blog peoples.

What you feel for him isn’t the stuff made in fairytales. There are no happily ever afters and you don’t have the sudden urge to fucking dance just because you are in love. Instead you feel a mixture of longing and hate and something else you can’t identify. And it fucking hurts, just like it’s supposed to because being in love isn’t all about sunshine, puppies and rainbows.

Isnt that lovely? I thought it was. And i found it very fitting. I feel like that myself sometimes.

Love bites, kiddies.

Get used to it.

<3

Our Songs

So, whilst in bed this morning, refusing to get up because imma lazy bum, i started thinking about all my friends and so i decided to make this post. Basically, its a list of my friends and the songs that make me think of them!



NOTE: I dont remember half of the singers or even some of the song titles. But you get the idea.



Brookesany: Honestly, we sing way too much for us to just have one song, but if I had to choose, it would have to be the Emo Kid song by Adam and Andrew. Its one of the first songs we ever sang together back when we became friends. Ahhh, good times.



Ashley: When the Day met the Night- Panic at the Disco. Yeah, i totally got her hooked on Panic during UBSP. Ha! We used to argue about this song all the time. But it was her favourite from the CD, so i always think of her when i listen to it.



Sabrina (AKA Chuke): Boom Boom Boom- Aqua??? IDk, maybe, but yeah. Good times in freshman year when we were the BoomBoom Twins. xD



Wolf: Hagane No Kokoro-Romi Paku. Q.Q I miss her and her crazy.



Charlie: Here we go again-Paramore. I dedicated this song to him after our "break up" and some times i think it still fits.



Stephanie: FSCENE8-The Medic Droid. Oh the fun we had blaring this in her car.



Billy: What What in my Butt-?. xD



John: Homecoming-Hey Monday. We sang this together at Jade's. It shocked me that he even listened to Hey Monday, better yet knew the words. I guess there's a lot about Johnathan that i dont know. HE never ceases to amaze.



Jade: Hmm, not a song as much as a band and not even the band as much as the way he spelled it. Panic at the Disko. With a K. yeah. I love jade.



Korie: Low (Apple Bottom Jeans)-Some black rapper (they all sound the same to me) We used to be hardcore gangster in her car to the song. Q.Q



Hunter: Hate Me-Blue October. Really, anything by them reminds me of Hunter. He loves that band.



Rader: Dance Dance-Fall Out Boy. xD



Carrisa: Love Will Leave You Cryin-?. Ah, to be you, supid and in love.



(He who must not be named): Where I Stood-Missy Higgins. Q.Q Okay, so mayeb it doesnt fit us entirely, but its close enough.



YumYum: Mouse Chu Mouse-?. GAH! He always used to get that song stuck in my head! Bastard.



Grant: Im Fat-Weird Al. BEST FAT GUY EVER.



Fat Matt: Zelda's Lulaby-Zelda. He used to play it for me on his Ocarina. I miss him.



Hair Matt: Barber and His Wife: Sweeney Todd. It creeped me out to have him sing it to me, but at the same time, i loved it.



Brittany: You are the one-HelloGoodbye. (I think) what a night.



Ethan: I wanna kiss you all over-?. Dont even ask.



Standard and Andrea: Big girls dont cry-Fergie. lol, i love UBSP.



Kenny: walls(?)- Serg Tankian. ( i think). Kenny is me if i was really tiny and had a penis.



Jeremy: Cupid Shuffle-? OMG, i miss him so much. He never taught me th dance to this song, damn him!



Jared: Kelsey-Metro Station.



Archuleta: TIme Warp-RiffRaff and Magenta. HA!



Chelsea: Aint no mountain High enough-?. xD



The UBSP Girls: Fer Sure-Medic Droid and Damaged-Danity Kaye. Good times.



Andyroo: Rocket Man-Elton John. xD



Nick: No song, but the word Cabbage reminds me of nick. And so do Koala bears. o.O



Cat: Kesegi-?. it reminds me of Sin High, which, by default, reminds me of Cat.



Weston (okay, so maybe we're no friends anymore. Sam edifference to me) I beleive in a thing called love-The darkness. o.O yeah.

Hayden: My Humps-BEP


Okay, yeah. The list just keeps getting longer, so im gonna stop now before it takes over the blog...>.> But you get the general idea.

Sorry if i missed anyone!

Jaja!

Word Of The Day:

NAUGHTY.



Its a fun word. ;3 I dont know why, but, at the moment, the word naughty just tickles my chicken whenever I hear it.

It makes me wanna wriggle my eyebrows and speak dirty in a French accent all day.

Yeah. That's right.

I went there.

French.

My New Make-Up Fetish

Okai! So, as you all know, I've been watching a lot of make up tutorials on YouTube and junk and I have become pretty much obsessed with it lately. And, of course, every aspiring make up artist needs the tools of the trade. So, i have spent a good amount of time scanning the web and finding decent make up at an affordable price, and i have prevailed!


The above image is a picture of the 88 colour shimmer pallete from CoastalScents.com. I should be getting it soon, as it was shipped today. Im hella excited. <3 Look at it. Isnt it fucking gorgeous? Tell me you dont want to sex it up right now. I'm telling you, if i could, i'd make sweet sweet love sex to it. Fer sure.

Also, I just bought a couple items from Eyeslipsface.com or E.L.F. makeup, you know, just to try it out. If it proves to be a good investment, I'll end up buying a lot of make up from them. Everything there is hella cheap. Most of it is $1. WHich, if its even half way decent, is a great deal. Wal-Mart make up is cheap (in quality only) and cost like 8 bucks a pop. I might have stumbled onto something amazing. lol. xD

Of course, i owe both of these discoveries to MonroeMisfitMakeup. Without her, i would never have known the joys of internet shopping for beauty supplies. Q.Q Thank you, Jody. <3

What would you do if I were a canable?

(I'm pretty sure I spelt Canable wrong...>.> I have got to be the worst speller in the world. Without spell check I am nothing...)

Anyway! Time for another random blog! Yey!

*cue carnival muzak* do do dododo do do do dodo.

Okays! Sooo, first off. I love youtube. I do. I have spent most of my time these past couple days looking up vids online. Make up tutorials. Music videos. and other random junk. And i think im in love...

MonroeMisfitMakeup. If you've never heard of her or seen her videos, DO IT. You shouldn't be allowed to do any sort of make up if you havent seen her stuff. She's like my new God. I swear. Only bad thing is she only has 20 videos and i've already watched them all. But she is defi amazing. Serious talent here folks. No lie.

Best part? She taught herself! Talent like that shoudlnt be self learned. But it is. Thanks to a weird childhood spent with drag queens and club kids, Jody has taken make up to a whole new level. I've heard of make up artist, but i've never seen an ARTIST who specializes in make up before. I adore her.

Second person i have fallen madly in love with via youtube. TrayceShaw. He's this adorable little bisexual teenager who makes my heart smile. He goes from being a total goof one minute to a serious, deeply opinionated young man. This kid is choice. No lie. I watched him eat 3 feet of bubble gum and i couldnt stop laughing. Hes so effin cute. <3

ATM i'm not madly in love (via youtube) with anyone else. But if i do fall for someone i'll let you know.

Hmmmmmm.

You know what sucks? Cliffy sex. If you're a writer, please, for the sake of fangirls everywhere. DOnt leave off right before they are about to get it on. IT KILLS US. Gah! You have no fucking idea how much that sucks. CLiffies, i understand. They're all good clean authoress fun. But they're bad enough. Cliffy sex. NO GO. It makes me wanna punch small children. SO please. Think of children.

I found a dress that i used to wear back when i was younger. Its so cute and tiny and makes me smile on the inside.^-^ Makes me miss my youth.

I saw your name and my heart skipped. But my heart is clumsy and ended up falling, face first, and it got hurt.

I've found that their are some people i miss more since leaving school and it surprised me. The one i think i miss most that i never get to see anymore is Nick. I effin love Nick. He's such a sweet heart when he's not being a narrow minded dick hole. I should call him or something so we can hang out. That would be nice. Of course, i would have to have the asian over or something. As much as i love Nick and regardless of the fact that he's one of my bestest guy friends, being alone in my room with him might be wierd (Not because im afraid something might happen, i just know nick. He's a naturally awkward person).

I'm totally gonna get andrew and Brookesany in a three way. lol. xD

I'm getting a piercing! I wont say where, but its one I've wanted for a while. I'll have it hopefullu by next weekend and then i'll make another post about it. ^-^ I'm excited.

I have a date tomorrow. O.o I know right? Wth, i dont even like dating. Well, technically, we're not dating. I'm just going out on a date (as in ONE date) with this guy. And since its a double date with my ex (can you say awkward) it counts even less. We're going glo bowling. Ew. But whatever. I'm doing it for Brittany, not for myself. I mean, Cody is okay, yeah, but, he was my 4th grade crush. How weird is that? o.O Yeaaaah.

Another awkward thing about it? Well, my date's friday night, and saturday he'll prolly be at M@TM which means he'll be able to see me molest John. ...Yeah. I'm telling you, this could get bad. But whatev. I'm much fonder of John. (coughcough)

Hmm, speaking of saturday, I'm chillin with Brookesany, Andyroo, and Steph that day! yey! I need more friends that are true. Well, okay, i have plenty, i just need to hang out with them more often. O.o Yeah. But we should have tons of fun! Andyroo might rent porn and we'll play singstar and guitar hero and all kinds of awesome.

Which reminds me. I gotta call steph tomorrow.

Today. Whatever.

Hmmm, im trying to think of more things to blog about. But atm i cant....

Oh well, see ya round blog peoples!

Ja!

It's Been A While.

I finally got my room done. I started the 16th, finished the 3rd. And TECHNICALLY i'm still not done. I need to unpack everything, but i'm lazy. xD I know i really should get to that, and i will, probably this week, so i can have people *coughcough* over this weekend. Fuck Jade's house, its way too far to walk in this cold.



Speaking of, I chilled with John and Jade this weekend. A good couple hours at Jade's watching him blow people up and talking about pants. Lol. Im not lying. Evidentally John's new Zebra Print skinnies (OMFG, I WANT) have, and i quote, "Perfect Cock and Ball space" >.<>

Also speaking of this weekend, it was not all sunshine and butterflies in the world of Jessica.

My mother showed up.

Thats right, i havent so much as gotten a bday card from her in over 5 years and all the sudden she pops up at my house Saturday and wants to start over. Fuck that. I locked myself in my room and pretended to work on unpakcing when really all i did was be pissed. I partially blame my uncle. He's the one hell bent on getting everyone back together. I like my uncle mike, but sometimes he just doesnt get it. I hate her. She left me. She abandoned her 4 children for a man. She doesnt deserve any more chances.

But whatever, i did my laundry, fixed my make up (very nicely, might i add) and went out, completely ignoring her. and i had a great time hanging out with people. I miss being a part of the real world. It was nice to get out of the house for once.

PLUS, i had my first famous moment saturday night!

Okay, so, i was sitting there, i think it was right after Renae left, and these 2 girls came up to me and asked if they could take pics with me. It made me feel hella sexy. lol. No lie. I could totally get used to people feeding my ego. -hair flip-

Hmmm, what else what else?

its still cold as fuck. Even with the heater, iowa sucks. Q.Q I wanna move somewhere warm and happy. One day. I will. And i will never have to freeze again.

ladida. didida

yeah, i got nothin.

Oh well, until my life becomes more interesting, see ya around