This Is What Happens...

When Jessica gets bored.

Like...extremely bored.

And she has nothing better to do to pass the time, so she plays on Microsoft Paint all night.

Yeah.

Holidays Suck...

'Nuff said.

So, this is the basic idea for my room. Very basic. Im thinking about adding some stars and junk.

but yeah.

god damn it

Blogger is being fucking difficult and somehow i ended up with this lame ass template when i want a sexy one! This is fucking ridiculous. It wont let me upload my new background. It keeps saying there's an error.

D: Imma cut a ho.

Smile: Part 1

He sat there, not moving, not blinking. Just staring. Staring aimlessly at a spot on the pale blue carpet. All she could really see was a white dot amid the sea of blue, but then again she could never see things the same way as him. Alex was always much deeper than her other friends; impossible to read. Like he always had secrets, but even he didn't know all of them.

Broken wasn't exactly the word she wanted to use to describe him, but really it was the only one that came to mind.

She shifted a bit, trying to catch his attention even though she knew she already had it. He might not be looking at her, but he was hanging on her every movement. Her reaction.

To what, he didn't know. He hadn't said anything. Just showed up at her house about 20 minutes ago and sat there. Not speaking, He didnt even give her so much as a hello.But she didn't mind. It wasn't the first time and she knew it wouldnt be the last. Ever since she moved here nearly a year ago alex had been showing up at random for no apparent reason. In fact, the closest thing to an excuse for his presence was about the third time this happened. All he had said was "I just wanted to see you." and she had never questioned him since. She believed him. THat his reasoning could be so simple. That was just Alex.

And it was part of the reason she loved him.

Alex and Jamie had been friends for about three years. He had introduced her to Jordon, her boyfriend for the past two years, along with most of her friends now. When she'd moved here she had left many people behind, but alex had filled their spot. He was the first one to accept her. He made her feel like she had a place here, through all her doubts. He'd been her first real friend. And she loved him.

Another few minutes passed and she grew bored. Not uncomfortable; she never felt uncomfortable around Alex. Just bored. Normally he would've started to talk by now. But tonight it felt like he was waiting. On what she didnt know. Permission perhaps? But that was ridiculous. Alex never needed persmission and he wasnt one to ask for it. Another fact she loved about him. This silence however, she did not love.

"Well." she began, wiping her palms on her jeans as she stood. "I was just about to make me some tea. You want a cup?"

For the first time that night he looked her in the eye and gave his head a ghost of a nod before returning his gaze to the spot on her carpet.. It was unsettling. Alex wasnt usuallly this quiet. THere had been times when she had WISHED that he would be quiet. But now that he wasnt speaking or bouncing around, she realized just how much she missed his voice. How she found herself willing him to talk. To make a sarcastic comment or make fun of her (in a completely lovable way, of course.). To do SOMETHING.

But all he did was stare at the floor like a perfect little statue. A fallen angel at his best.

Giving him one more careful look--he hated to be stared at--she found her way to the kitchen, automatically reaching for her cupboard and pulling out two cups. the matching cups that they always used. Dark green with small yellow details. Honestly, they were the ugliest mugs she had ever laid eyes on, but Alex thought them to be precious and demanded that they use them whenever he was around. She didnt know exactly when she stopped fighting him or when those cups were only for him. She never used them for anyone else. Not Jordon. Not Kalie. No one. Only Alex. THat was something they had. Something she would keep sacred no matter how much Jordon laughed at her.

Alex always said he was jealous because he didnt have a special cup. He was probably right. It seems like something Jordon would do.

As much as she loved him, he was still very much a child at heart.

She was just setting the water on to boil when she heard her stereo start up. She grinned to herself as music filled the house and she was thankful for the noise. Noise was more like Alex. Noise she could handle.

She heard him flip through a few songs before he settled on one and let it play. It wasnt her favourite song on the CD, that much was certain, but Alex loved it, and she couldnt say no to him.

It only took her 3 minutes to figure out that he'd set her CD player on repeat and after about four reditins of the song the tea was finshed and she was ready to go dump it on him. Those thoughts quickly disapated the moment she walked into her living room. Alex was not up jumping and dancing around like he should have been. Not shaking his non-existant booty to the beat. No, he was sitting there on the couch still and you couldnt even tell that he had moved. In fact, had it not been for the tell-tale blare from the speakers. She wouldnt have known he had.

she gave him his cup, which he accepted half-heartedly, and resumed her spot on the couch. Tucking her legs up underneath her, she watched him, trying toi guess his mood.

He wasnt mad. That much was certain. Alex was not quiet when he was mad. No, he was one of the most vocal people that she knew, regardless of the situation. Sad maybe. But she'd only seen him sad a couple times, not nearly enough to tell what was bugging him. And she knew that something definitely was.

He played with the rim of his mug, tracing the curve with one finger. She stared at him over the top of her own mug, which she had pressed to her lips. the steam from it was starting to fog her glasses, but she paid it no mind.

"Your carpet is really ugly." he said finally, startling her. Even though shed been staring at him this whole time, shed almost forgotten he was there. It was like staring at a painting.

"You helped me pick it out, remember?" she replied, thanking every god she could think ofthat hed finally spoken. Now if she could onlyt get him to stop burning holes on the floor.

"Is that yogurt?" he asked, eying the white dot from earlier. She grinned.

"Probably. Jordon's a pretty messy eater." she lied, knowing full-well what that white spot was. She'd thought she'd cleaned it all up, but she didnt think to look so far away. One more amazing talent her boyfrined had.

"Im gonna pretend that i didnt just see you smirk and continue to believe that its yogurt to spare my innocent mind." he said, smiling despite himself. Jamie choked back a laugh. There was no getting past Alexander Saint. Quick little bastard he was.

First thing that came to her mind was "Innocent? Really?" but she bit her tongue. Alex hated it when people judged him like that. He really did. So she watched what she said. Nothing was worth seeing that pain in his eyes.Others can joke about him, but she wont. Once you know the truth its hard to pretend that you dont.

He fell silent again and she sighed, vision obscurred by her own breath clinging to the lenses of her glasses.

The tension in the air was almost palliple and she hated it. She was seconds away from calling him on his odd behavior when he spoke again. probably predicting where she was about to go and attmptingto steer clear of the conversation.

"Where's Jordan?" he asked, moving his gaze from the carpet to his mug as he shifted it from side to side, swirling its contents and watching them carefuly. He did not want to meet her eyes.

"Shopping. His niece's birthday is coming up and he needed to get her a present."

"WHy didnt you go with him?"

"I wanted to stay and work on my drawing." she said, shifying her wieght again.

"Im sorry. I didnt mean to disrupt you. Ill leave if you want me to." he said, standing up quicly and setting his cup down on th nearby coffee table. He was halfway to the door when Jamie finally registered his movement.

"Whoa, whoa. Alex. Babe. you dony have to go. I never said that." she said, getting up and walking after him. he turned to her, their eyes catching again. His were glinting. Alive with some unknown emotion. he smiled at her. A small, sad smile. A lonely one.

"Nah, I should go. Ive got stuff to do anyway." and just like that he was gone.

Jamie stood there, not entirely sure what just happened. A moment passed and the realization hit her. Alex had come to her for a reason. Not just the traditional " i wanted to see you" or even the random dance parties he made her participate in. He'd needed her and she'd just let him go. She didnt fight for him. She just watched him leave.

It was at that moment, standing there in the doorway like an idiot that she realized just what hse had done.

And she was no better than everybody else.