Gettin mah hurr did.

This song is super pretty. It's the opening to House M.D. and I love it.


I'm getting ready to Dye my hair again. I was supposed to do it for prom but since I didn't go I've kida put it off. Considering that I have a date tommorow, I thought I should get on that.


I haven't been sleeping much lately. I haven't been able to. Not since Saturday. I've been all out of it. I can't think and when I do my thoughts make me cry. I tell myself one thing then do something else completely. Honestly I just want it all to go away. Im out of vodka for now. I've nothing else to turn to. I hate this.

I need to work on my creative writing but I have no inspiration.
I need to work on a lot of things.
I'm failing everything now.
Everything is piling up.
And its getting heavy.

About 2 hours ago...john called me...so he could sing to me... I was so scared. O_o

Sitting at school

nothing to do. Bored. bored. bored.

Been up since one. Couldn't sleep even though I took 4 sleeping pills. Nothing seems to work. So i gt online and talked my mah homies from AF. I love them. So much.


Still and Dark got married. I was the ring bearer. Chat was the best man. And Light was the stripper. Minnie wasnt there. She would be so devistated if she found out. Still and dark were gonna e comsimate the relationship, but then she started kicking babies and whatnot so he feared for his p33ns life. Evidentally I owe them all nekkid pics of me....O.o Not gonna happen but whatever.

Imma convince Cake to come visit me. He lives in Cali. Light is gonna plan the trip for him. Lol. <3 cake.

The boys helped me pick out undies. Light wanted the Rockstar ones. Cake liked the Southpark ones. Since i like cake more i picked SouthPark. He was happeh but then light was sad...>.> Oh wells.

My day

I went to the reinactment with Lily today. I had to get out of this house and I thought about her. She managed to cheer me up and make me feel much better which is more than I can say for some people.

We hung out with Nick and Emily. I told ugly guys they were...well, ugly. I avoided the sunlight as much as possible and felt like a DIVA in my big scene kid shades. I bought a giant jawbreaker sucker and ate half of it. Then we went back to Lily's and hung out. I convinced her to text Nick, this guy she met at the Hamilton Prom. Now we have a double date for friday. Her and Nick, me and Nick's friend James. Lily says he's cute, but I have my doubts. Whatever. I'l lmanage so I can make Lily happy.


She told me i was hot. ^^ That made me feel good.



I still haven't looked at them yet. This secret is mine alone and I'm almost afraid that I can't bare it by myself. Its Ugly and its all my fault.

They say that human touch is the best cure for tears. But what happens why there's no one around to hold your hand? Are you doomed to cry forever? Cold, bleeding, and alone, lying on your bedroom floor, wishing for it all to just stop. You can't feel your own heartbeat but you know you're still alive because you still hurt.

You long for something to happen. Something to change, not realizing that everything already has. All the things that were supposed to make you feel good have let you down, so what have you got left?

A small soul and a silver kiss is all that remains now. A single song plays over and over in your head. The same lines repeating. The song doesn't even work for your situation because you've never had a truly great love, but you sing it anyway in that broken little voice of yours. Over and over. It won't stop.

Your memories make you sick, but you can't help but think about them because they are the only thing that used to make you happy. You ask yourself how this all transpired. Why you let yourself get this far off track. How you've managed to lose yourself completely even though the path ahead is crystal clear.

You feel sick, but you don't allow yourself to throw up. No. That could possibly save your life, and you don't want that. You welcome death. You await it eagarly. But it never comes. You know how to speed up the process, but the knife is too far away and you're finally comfortable on the floor.

You lay there, watching the flashing lights on the ceiling and wondering if you'll ever wake up. The answer is no. You never will. And this is the bad kind of eternal slumber.

Movie Night:

Finally went and saw the Hannah Montana Movie. IT WAS AMAZING.

Lily, Jenjen, Asian, and Donavan all went with me. None of them seemed too excited but all of them liked it by time it was over. Except for the ginger. But who cares. She can hate. I love HM. THats all that matters.

The movie almost made me cry. Its so cute. <3 to that movie.

Fuck you.

Now you've even ruined porn for me? Go to hell where you belong and stop torturing me.

THERE IS A GOD!!!1

AND HE WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY!!!!!!! M@TM IS COMING BACK MAY 16TH!!!!!! FUCK YEAH BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111one

THIS IS FOR STILL:

[NOTE: this will make NO sense to those who have no experienced the chatbox.]


This is the layout for my new sitcom that we came up with in the animefuel chatbox, like losers.

Still doesn't think I can do this, and made fun of my sitcom, but he will learn.

So here's basic Character Layout:

Rei: Main character. The story revolves around her and the adventures in her apt building.

Minnie: Rei's little sister.

Dark: Rei's creepy antisocial roomie and the resident loon.

Still: Lardlord of apt Building and hella creeper. Is a major asshole and has a thing for Minnie, thus making him a pedo.

Chat: Rei's gay neighbor.

Cha0s: Chat's bf

Sidd: Token Black friend. Lives in the apt above Rei and has the hots for Chat.

Chop: Foreign super with amazing flippy hair.

Bongs: Lives on bottom floor next to Still and is a total pot head.

Vamp: JESUS

Freek: Sidd's bf with homosexual tendancies. Is bestfriends with Bongs.

Fox: Loser who hits on everyone but gets no action. Co-worker and Sidd's little bro.

Kei: Rei's bestfriend and co-worker.

Hmmm, who else......?

Um.

I think that's everyone. If this doesn't satisfy Still, I might have to write up a script. The Jessica has no life, I can do that.

^^

Brookesany. Charlie wants to finger your bum. Watch out.

Sitting on Charlie's bed.
Just chillin.
He keeps feeding me Twix. I'm getting sick.
Damn him.

God damn it. My phone is being difficult.

Jackie's party tonight.
My cousin is mad cuz i got a ride. Oh well.
Evidently people at school think i'm preggers. Awesome. I love rumors. I wanna fuel it.

This guy is my new Best friend

<3

The City Of Clipsville

Best episode of PowerPuff Girls EVER

I love Utada Hikaru

This is her cover of BOBD by Green Day. Its the only Greenday song that I like and I think she does a million times better than them.

Enjoy.

Parteh

My Jackie turns 16 monday, and on the 17th, he's having his birthday bash. I'm super excited. One I love my little Jackie and I haven't seen him in forever. Two I need to get out of this town and meet new people even if its only for a couple hours.

My granny is paying my cousin so he will take me and my friends down there and pick us up later on that night. So far I know fer sure that I am going. I don't know about the gingy or the asian one. Emily might be going with us too. Should all be fun.

Riry-Fish and me are gonna plan a big sexy time party soon. We don't know when or where, but once we get it figured out it's gonna be awesome.

I'm supposed to parteh with Emily this weekend, but if M@TM is back (rumors say it is) then we're totally going to that instead. But hey, with the return of M@TM, it will be a party regardless.

So yeah, all in all my life looks half way fun for a bit.

Nothing to do.
Hella bored.
Need entertainment.
-Dies-

I wish i was hot like the PussyCat Dolls.

I love this song.

At this point in my life, when nothing seems to make sense and the reality of everything is right around the corner, waiting to strike, a song like this really hits me.

Almost strong enough to give me faith.

Check it. I can blog from my phone. Bitchin.

I cant think...

Nothing makes sense in my head. Or out of it for that matter.

My thoughts, my emotions. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I hate this

I hate this whole thing.

My life I mean.

I don't know if I can keep this up.

Everything was looking up for a while there. My life was decent for once. Now...I don't know.

Now I'm just scared.

I'm terrified and confused and I...I'm lost.

How did I manage to get so off track? What happened to my plans?

They died. I'm so far gone I dont know if I'll ever make it back.

I need help but...I dont know who or how they could help me.

I cant even help myself.

Well...

Thats a lie.

There is one way.

But I dont know if I'm ready for that yet.

Thats almost as scary as growing up and facing my life and all the decisions i've made along the way.

Almost.

We'll see.