I HATE my life...

Gah! My life, generally sucky, even by teenage angst standards, has just seemingly taken a plunge into far darker territory.

It seems that misery does indeed love company and has brought its WHOLE family with it this time and is sitting in on my love life. And all of this is happening since i broke up with Brittany! Its just crazy!!!

First off, Hunter, one of my best friends since the fourth grade, is finally scraping up the balls to ask me out, and it couldnt be at a worse time! I am TERRIFIED at the idea of dating him, you know. I have to be the only teenager in the world who wont date someone cause they like them too much. I dont even get it myself, but i'm pretty sure its due to the fact that i KNOW if we start dating, we wont stop. And i dont want that. I dont want LOVE yet. that thought scares me. I'm only 16 damnit, i dont want it to be over like that! WHich doesnt make sense. Most girls my age are all lovey dovey and want nothing BUT the love of their life, and i'm purposly avoiding mine. I'm not ready. It makes me feel all old and grown up. Like thats one more responsability i'll have to have. I already have to get a job and learn to drive and all that crap and i DONT want to. The real world scares me. i just wanna remain the way i am. Having fun with my homies, working on the band, stalking random people. LOVE is NOT on the list. GAH!!!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO TELL HIM!!! I dont want to hurt his feelings, i mean, come on, the guy's been in love with me since middle school, there is NO way to let him off easy....damnit all to hell and back in a hefty bag!!!

I have some new prospects this year and i want to play them out to the best of my ability. Theres Matt of course, but he's just a big whore. There's a grl in my science class i like, and i'm not even sure if she swings that way, i think i'll ask after we become closer. Theres Kiah, whom i've been subtly hitting on lately. and thats just to name a few.

And to top it all off, i have a HUGE crush on this guy, who happens to be dating someone. We talk about her all the time, and he has like relationship MPD or something. One moment he tells me he likes this other girl who just becoem single (no, not me, sadly) and he's thinking about breaking up with his gf, the next he says he loves her more than anything, and he's changed his mind. He says that he knows when she's gonna cheat on him, and that shes one of the meanest people, then he'll talk about how awesoem she is. I honestly dont know what to do! I like him, i do. And i KNOW that i would be SOOOO much better for him than she is, considering all that i know about her. but i cant really do anything without upseting people. GAH!

Diifuculty freaking loves me...i swear... I cant handle this shit, i should just become a Nun or something...

Fo Sho

~rei out~